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Where I was in my life
Set the scene. What was your life like then?
It was my third attempt at my bachelor's degree. I was working as a nanny during the day and studying online. I was exhausted, but never exhausted enough to stay off the phone. I talked to my mom, my aunt, my friends, my man—about life, or gossip. I'd been living abroad for about two years, and for me, the only way to keep my relationship with my family and my friends was to be on the phone with them every single day, for hours. I was so upset when I heard that I'd missed a birthday party, an engagement party, a baby shower, or a simple dinner. I kept asking my friends to do more video calls. I wanted to be part of their lives so badly that I didn't have the energy or the motivation left to study. I wasn't a full-time nanny. That's why studying online was my best option. It meant I could have time to study and work on my dissertation—instead of gossiping, constantly. And if there was drama, I needed to know every side of it. Let's not even talk about Facebook. I posted things sometimes, memes or funny stuff, to get some comments and discuss with people. Imagine the time wasted between Facebook and phone calls when I had a 150-page final dissertation to submit. When I needed to learn about econometrics, business law, SMART goals, NLP, KPIs. The first time I failed, I gave myself an excuse: after two gap years—which were supposed to be one—of course it would be harder for my brain to get back into "study mode," especially studying online, without a tutor or other students to push me, or my parents. The truth is, I wasn't mature enough to pressure myself to focus on my studies. I was too addicted to my phone, sometimes staying on it for hours, scrolling and texting my boyfriend, who already had his master's and was already working. His student days were behind him. I also gave myself another excuse: the tutors weren't flexible. I mean, it's fine to submit my dissertation forty-eight hours late and lie about the reason, right? I didn't really care. Even my boyfriend tried to motivate me, but I was like, "Please, I don't need a lecture from you. You never had to work while studying." The truth is, my nanny job wasn't exhausting at all. Two little girls: give them a shower, help them with homework, and get paid good money.