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Where I was in my life
Set the scene. What was your life like then?
As far as I can remember, I have never seen my family happy. No—my mother kept trying to give us some happy moments by celebrating our birthdays and Christmas. But otherwise, honestly, it's not like my brothers and sisters and I can smile or be proud when we think about our childhood. The one responsible for this dysfunctional situation was my father, because he didn't know how to love my mother or his kids. He was violent with her and with my older sisters and brothers. For almost a decade, I couldn't understand why my mother stayed with him, despite his affairs, despite his kids outside the marriage. One day, when I was almost twelve, I asked her: "Why are you staying with him? If I were you, I would have left him. Or put laxatives in his food, every single meal." She looked at me, almost crying, and she said: "First, I cannot speak badly about your father, because he is your father and my husband. Second, if we leave him, I can be sure that you, your brothers, and I will end up in a shelter. Your dad is one of the rare fathers who is around his kids. And the last thing—you don't understand because you are young, but thanks to your father, I have the green card. So you and your brothers, you can be literally whatever you want. So do it. But please, please—because of your American status, you must be an independent woman. I can teach your brothers to clean, cook, or be nice to women. But you, my daughter, I want you to be independent, because I refuse to sacrifice my self-esteem, to suffer the way I am suffering with your dad, and then have you live the same thing with another man. Be independent, because I am not. I don't have enough money to take care of you on my own, but I can bear this situation knowing my kids are American and can be whatever they want. You are Black and a woman. You will need to work many times harder than a white man just to get half of what he has. Be independent. Work hard. Create something. Do something by yourself. But don't be dependent on any man, or woman, or job in this world. Otherwise they will hold you in their right hand, then in their left, and smash you down." I was twelve when my mother gave me that advice, but at the time, I did not fully understand what it meant or how I was supposed to live by it.