No one Judges a Mother like Another Woman

I was exhausted, and I didn’t have the luxury of a nanny. After his paternity leave, my husband went back to work. The first day he left us alone was a bit scary, but I survived. My in-laws and my mother called to offer help, and my sisters too, but I had this feeling that I wasn’t doing things right. I never doubted that I was a good mother to my baby, but I was fed up with other people thinking they knew better than me how to take care of my baby. My baby was inside me for months before the people on the outside got to meet them, so I can feel what’s best for them. Once, I went to a moms’ group, and in the suitcase I used as a diaper bag, I forgot the diapers. I’ll always remember the mom who seemed to think I was stupid: how, among the stuffed animals, the milk, the bottles, and the towels, could I have forgotten the diapers? When she gave me one of her baby’s diapers so I could change my baby, I went home without stopping by the bathroom to change them, and I definitely never came back to sit with those supermoms. Another time, I went out with the whole can of formula, and one of my friends was there: “Are you serious? You went out with the whole can? Can’t you buy the little single-serve packs?” Yet another criticism. I don’t understand why some mothers can be mean and judgmental with other moms, because we’re all in the same boat, and for many of us, it isn’t easy. I’ll always remember one of my friends telling me, between the lines, that she had never heard any of her friends complain. It’s like an unspoken rule: we should be ashamed to complain, because after all, isn’t being a mother the most beautiful job in the world, and the oldest? I wish people would stop making us believe that. I remember a pediatrician who told me, “Ma’am, if one day you feel overwhelmed by the baby, rather than doing something irreparable, put the baby somewhere safe in a room, even if they’re crying, and go get some air for five minutes.” I remember that Black Thursday, as I call it, when the baby had cried all day. When my husband got home, he took the baby from me, because he saw in my eyes that I was about to snap. It was the first time in weeks that I allowed myself a nap during the day.