No one Judges a Mother like Another Woman

A few weeks ago, one of my friends came to visit. Since most of my friends are moms, my kid naturally expected her to bring her children and asked, “Where are your kids?” She replied, “I don’t have any.” Then my kid asked why, and whether it was because she was a witch, since only witches don’t have kids. I was so pissed off by the question, and worried it could lead to more questions, that I said, “You can’t ask that kind of question. Go to your room. ” My friend said, “Don’t be pissed; children don’t get it, and even some adults don’t.” I couldn’t have felt sorrier for her, not only because of my kid, but because she may have been asked that question a ton of times. Kids are kids, so this kind of indiscretion is forgivable at that age. But adults should be able to ask themselves how the person they’re questioning might feel. Some people can’t have a child naturally, some don’t want one, some haven’t found the right partner, and some have only one because having children is a lot. But to be fair, before becoming a mother myself, I was the one wondering why some women didn’t have kids. Now I understand why some women don’t want them, because don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother, but sometimes it’s so painful and exhausting. At the same time, I would never trade my life for another. Some women have decided to say publicly that they regret being mothers. I don’t want to judge, but how is it possible to feel that way? It’s hard for me to hear another woman say that out loud. I can’t understand how they can regret being mothers, while some will soon regret not having had kids when they had the chance. One of my close friends decided to freeze her eggs because she was too focused on her career. A few days earlier, my doctor had talked to me about perimenopause, and how, according to her, it comes earlier for women of our generation, after years on the pill, the pollution, and what we eat. So I told my friend, “You want to freeze your eggs for later? Like, later when?” I meant it as advice. But as soon as I said it, I heard myself, and it sounded exactly like the comments I’d been getting for years. Yes, I judge too. The difference is that I usually keep it to myself. That day, I didn’t. On that plane, it took a man to defend me against a woman who yelled what she thought. I don’t want to be that woman.